Dateline: J-town 12.24

Christmas Eve. D's playing the piano, I worked out earlier at the gym and then read all about elephants and watched an elephant video and then logged on. One of my fave self-help boards opened up a new thread called "List your 2008 Successes"... So I did- and the astonishing thing was that I'd forgotten so many of them and only remembered them because they were in my datebook... Forthwith-

1) Quit the hospital after years of counter-productive work experiences there.
2) Got a grant to begin making my elephant documentary!
3) Made real progress with my "Solutions" work.
4) Made a few short poetry videos that were accepted by a local festival.
5) Got work as a freelance reporter for a local newspaper. (They tanked a few months later, but it was fun while it lasted!)
6) Began teaching an extension class per semester at the local University.
7) Had a play produced at a local theater.
8) Zeroed my credit cards and built up an actual savings account!
9) Had pictures accepted for three group photography shows

So, on that happy note, I march into Christmas with my fife and drum. And wonder what wonders are coming up in 2009... Can it get better than this? Maybe I'll get preggers... HAHAHAHAHA!!!!

Dateline: J-town 12.19

Here it comes gang. Even on the Riveria of New England, snow is bound to fall in the winter. They've been predicting a biggie for days, and himself and I loaded up with groceries, gas and (for me) a session in the gym to work off upcoming cabin fever if necessary. Got home from the errands a little over an hour ago, and the snow arrived not long afterwards.

Now in my usually improvident way, I put off buying a new snow shovel until last PM, but (of course) by that time everyone was sold out. Well- not sold out entirely, but when it comes to shovelin' I have my standards. And those include a Z-handled shovel with a wide scoop. Those were gone and all that were left were cheesy straight handled ones. A workman is nothing without the right tools. So I'll use the one I already have, which has a ragged leading edge to the scoop, but may serve adequately for a while. This shoveling stuff is not only my pleasure but is a point of pride, as you know, and when I saw a fairly clueless older woman pick out a silver shovel, I nearly gagged. It was shaped like a coal scoop. It was entirely unacceptable for competition shoveling... Home Depot ought to be shot for selling those things...

Aside from this, life continues to be all elephants and reporters here on Harriet St. Makes for a crowded house, for sure. I'm up to the eyeballs in movies about the newspaper trade (latest one, Fletch), and most of them are inappropriate for the class. I want stuff that deals with the heart of newspaperdom- not just love stories or gore with a reporter as the main character. I wonder if the other teachers work this much on their classes?

As I was writing in my journal today, I was suddenly overwhelmed with the fear that I might become bored with my new life. Might back off and not accomplish anything. Might sink into the black hole of inanity and death. But, ummmm, then I went to the gym and worked out for a while. Had a chat with the gym owner about my workouts and personal trainer experience. I love this gal, because she A) is always there; and B) really cares about her patrons. When I described what I was doing, she replied, "You're too hard on yourself!" (like I haven't heard that one before.) Anyway, when I apply that to my AM fears, I see that, realistically, the chances of me begin terminally bored are low. It's just that expect myself to function at Oscar level 24/7/52... If I weren't so amazingly mentally healthy, I'd take to the drink seriously.

D just made plane reservations to go to DC the weekend before the inauguration so we can go to a "hail to the new chief" party on Monday night. Crazy. There are going to be 1 million visitors to the city and that means we won't have much of a chance to go to the Newseum or the Portrait Gallery without risking massive crushing syndrome. But the man is dying to do it, and I'm along for the ride. Fortunately, brother Bob has a room open in his digs for the two nights we'll need to stay. The following Sunday, it's off to FL for me to play with sisters one and all.

More as life progresses....

Dateline: J-town 12.14

So I promised myself that every Sunday I'd stay away from the computer and just read and hang out. It worked until 7.30. I read the whole New York Times. I read a few chapters of a novel. I watched two movies and a few episodes of Jeopardy. I went to the gym. I went for a walk. I took a nap.

Here I am. I feel really restless when I'm not doing something with a point for at least half the day. So after I logged on tonight (about 1/2 hr ago) I rechecked and sent my draft of a query for another grant possibility, went through all my email addresses, and listened to a recording. Whew. I feel much better.

Holiday party time around here. Two this weekend- one fabulous with good friends and one uncomfortable with the people from work. I don't really have much in common with them, no matter how hard I try. I ask lots of questions and listen to what they're talking about, but it's as if we come from different planets... Sigh. Now at least 3 more to go this week. One at the Admiral's house, which may not be terribly interesting, but they always have swell food. On the other hand I ahve gotten into some really deep conversations with the unlikeliest characters there in the past.

I look forward to my regular work schedule tomorrow. Lots of elephants stuff and maybe a reporter movie audition for my class. I also promised to work on the publicity for David's new book which will be ready to go on the stands in about 2 weeks. It's his first independent Print on Demand effort and I think it could go well, but I don't know that much about promoting someone's work....

Dateline: J-town 12.12

Next day, new realizations.

I didn't retire. I just switched jobs. I now work for myself. I needed the courage to do it, and now, because of the promised of government funds, I am here. Yahoo. I still keep thinking I have to go back to work on Monday, and then feel free as soon as I realize (once again) that I don't. That I can call the shots of Monday as I do today. The only thing is to keep focused. Work from AM to around 6PM and then have the rest of the day off!

Dateline: J-town 12.11.08

And here, ladies and gentlemen, she is. Newly minted, set free, flying high and fully retired. Or is that how I should put it? Perhaps I should, instead, say finally engaged in life on her own terms. Doing what I want to, and incidentally, getting paid for it.

I finished my boring, boring, boring last shift at 11PM, said good bye to the kiddies, and went straight to bed when I got home. Pointless. It took over an hour to get to sleep, and then I woke up almost hourly. My first thought each time was- "I can't believe it. I can't get my head around it. I'm free to make my own life. I'm free to set my own schedule. I'm free!"

Was working in the ER that bad? No. Of course not. But I was so done with it. I was so done with feeling the weight of coming commitments every week. I didn't even realize how it weighed me down. When I was in Williamstown I had a great counselor. Nearly the first session together, he said, "You've been trying to be something you don't feel inside. You've been less than authentic by trying to fit in with your co-workers all this time. If course, it's going to drive you nuts." I was shocked. But, it seems he may have been right.

So I've worked with the elephants all day long, setting up interviews (with zookeepers, etc.- not with the elephants themselves...), reading elephant histoRy, checking out websites, organizing printouts. It's 5PM and time to knock off for the night. We go out to dinner with a friend at a local French eaterie, swill champagne which D bought for me, watch stupid movies and go to bed, and then I get to GET UP IN THE AM AND DO IT ALL OVER AGAIN!!!

SWEEEEEETTTTTTT!

Dateline: J-town 12.9.08

Holy carumba! It's been two weeks without a note, a keystroke, a word from me to you! Is the thrill gone? Have I lost my charm?

I got the grant from the Humanities Council. I am now (or soon will be) $2000 heavier, and, more importantly, validated in my pursuit of elephants. (Follow same on elephantsinri.blogspot.com) I have already talked to some mighty interesting folks about this and I have a feeling there are more where those came from. I begin to see this doc not just as a quirky little history flick, but maybe, just maybe, as a force for good. A force for the humane treatment of the gentle giants.

I tried working out with a trainer at the gym(compliments of David). Didn't go very well, as he wasn't LISTENING TO ME. I asked for flexiblity and weight loss. He focused on machines and told me it had to be 5 days a week at the gym. Dug my heels in, leaving deep furrows in the floor. 3, I answered. Whaddya got for 3? Told me that diet wise (and I had to pry it out of him) 1300cal a day. No food plan suggestions, but agreed after I wheedled, that South Beach was a good idea. I could do that- when I was an infant. But I am willing to cut down intake by a significant amount. When I called him today to cancel our next appointment, and told him D had another trainer in mind for me(which he sort of did), he sounded relieved. Me, too. So I begin another tack....

Tomorrow is the last day of my normal working life. I called in sick on Sun. Maybe it was psycho/logical, but I did feel fluey. I'm sure everyone thought it was short-timer's disease. But there it is. I'm a little conflicted about retiring. Not because I want to keep being employed and showing up 5 days out of every 14, but because by shutting that door I have admitted to the world that I am no longer young. That I am no longer middle-aged. That I am now- old. On the downhill slope. On the flume to dessication. Eeeerg. Mom once told me that when she was 75 she looked in the mirror and shrieked, "Phyllis! When did you get old?" (OK, maybe not shrieked. She wasn't the shrieking kind. Maybe just yelped.)

I'm watching a lot of movies these days about newspaper reporters for the Spring class at Salve. So many don't make the cut. They may have reporters as characters, but there's not much news in them. My favorite so far is "Absence of Malice". Now there's meat you can chew on.

So I split my time between elephants and newspapers. The book, is, as usual, a couple of floors down... And I haven't done a thing to rustle up more writing gigs.

Went to visit the elephants in the zoo on Friday. They were cooped up indoors because of the cold and it broke my heart. They need to be south. One interesting thing- the three in Roger Williams Park Zoo have always been together. Three gals- Ginny, Alice, and ummmmmmmmmmm, I forget. But they were brought over from Africa when they were just tykes. I found some old memos of the zoo in which they say the girls can't be split up. This is a good thing. But they need MORE SPACE.

Drove home from PeaceDale yesterday with the Christmas channel blaring on the car radio. Totally got in the mood, and intended to give himself a ring a ding at work to ask him to bring a tree home. He's always been pro tree and I myself have been pretty cyncially anti, so this would have been quite welcome on his part. However, when I picked up the phone and heard the stutter, I found that I had a message from the doctor's office asking me to contact them for a re-do of the pap smear. There was, it seemed, a "problem".

I raced to the computer for more info. "Abnormal pap smear" I googled. Learned that 95% of all abnormals are blips on the screen. Learned some tech terms, and when I finally got through to the nurse practitioner, she confirmed the blip status, said it was, at most, an inflammation or something and not at all cancer and I should have the re-do around Feb.

At this point it was back to Christmasville, and we now have a tree, fully trimmed (more so than it's ever been since I moved in here...) glowing in the living room. Moose is delighted, as she always is when we arrange a new obstacle course for her to navigate.

For some reason, our social life has exploded. 5 parties or 6 (If we attend the Admiral's annual shindig) in 2 weeks. I'm in the mood for it, too. My life is (or will be in 26 hours) my own!

More as life develops